Getting out is a very difficult task, but it can be done. Here are a few tips on how:
If you find yourself in an abusive
relationship, start by getting yourself a post office box, credit card and cell
phone. If your credit isn’t so great and you have difficulty acquiring a
credit card, get a pre-paid debit card or debit card tied to a bank account at
an institution separate from the one that may hold any accounts for your
abuser. This will help you build a credit rating independent of your
abuser, such that there is no chance of him being notified of your purchases
and whereabouts once you leave.
If you already have a cell phone, you do
not need a new contract and you should not change your existing phone
number. You simply need to acquire a nicely inexpensive prepaid cellular
phone with enough minutes to make calls and receive messages to execute your
plans to leave. The post office box is a place to receive any
correspondence you may expect while waiting for placement in a shelter or in
finding a new place to live. This is also important if you are unable to
find a location within an immediate distance of your home to keep your secret
cell phone.
NEVER BRING THESE ITEMS HOME!!
Bringing these items into your residence
increases the likelihood of them being discovered by your abuser and dependent
upon the individual, such a mistake could cost you your life.
Instead, stop at a store and purchase some
large manila envelopes with the metal clasp. Set aside 2 of these
envelopes and put them in the P. O. Box. Every time you get mail to that
box read it at the post office.
If you need to keep it, put it inside one of the envelopes and place it back
into the box. If you need to make any phone calls, do so from your secret
cell phone. It is important when purchasing the phone that you ensure
that it comes with a messaging system. Set up the mailbox immediately and make
sure that the battery is always fully charged. You may also want to
purchase a car charger dependent upon your plans for transport when you
leave. Once this is done, power the phone off and place it and everything
that comes with it in the second envelope and leave them in the P. O. Box as
well. Be sure never to check your messages or transport any
correspondence to a place where your abuser may gain access.
If you are able to get a regular credit
card independent of your mate, activate it immediately and leave it in the
envelope with your mail. Though you will need it when you run, this and
the cell phone number will be difficult to explain if discovered. If you
need or decide to get a prepaid card, put as much money on it as possible and
as often as you can. Buy it, activate it and leave it in the box, it
should only be removed to add money.
If you’re a bit nervous about the post office,
don’t worry, as long as they have no need to suspect that the box is being used
for illegal activity, they don’t go through the contents. Just be sure to pay
on time and keep the cell phone turned off, a ringing mailbox may be cause
for suspicion.
If you are planning to leave via vehicle,
make sure that the license plate and registration are in no way tied to your
spouse so that the vehicle isn’t reported stolen in attempt to locate
you. Dependent upon the distance to be traveled, you may also want to
consider getting a gas card.
If
there are children involved, the following is very important. Make sure that your children have
backpacks and if they don’t, buy them one, and make sure that they carry
them. If there is no identity pouch in the bag, purchase clear plastic
sheathes that can be sewn in. If attaching the pouch arouses suspicion,
tell your abuser it’s just so that your child’s bag won’t be lost or stolen.
Once you have sewn the sheathes into the
bags for your children, pick out clear and current photos of them, then head to
a public computer. Once you arrive, you will type what I call ‘liberty
cards’, these are small identification cards you will place in your child’s
knapsack once you leave. It will have a small version of the photo you chose,
your child’s name, age, height, weight, your name, siblings' names, a list of
all prescriptions, allergies & medical conditions, as well as contact
information in case of emergency. You may also want to include an
identified fingerprint of your child.
When you are done, take this information
to a print shop to have a card made to fit the plastic pouch in your child’s
bag. Once you have it, place your child’s liberty card along with copies
of your immunization records, birth certificates, and social security cards
into the post office box. You will need these things to switch your
child’s school once you depart.
If you doubt the security of the post
office box, consider a safe deposit box if you can afford one. Whatever you do, do not take any of these
items home and if you store them at someone’s house, make sure that it’s
somewhere you can get to on short notice and someone who would never tell your
abuser. This leads us to the cardinal rule of domestic violence:
ALWAYS LEAVE SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF
Money, credit cards, bank accounts, every
nickel you can, but just as important, friends you can trust who your abuser
does not know or have a relationship with. You will find them to be your
angels when you escape.
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