I
recently reconnected with an old flame who emailed me after “realizing how good
we were together”, and he was right…we were good together. We were also in college at the time, and
although both of us have grown a great deal since then, I feel that we may have
wrecked our opportunity at a second chance.
After finding each other again I learned that he is again a professional
athlete – the position he held when we parted ways.
Having dated him and one other, I have often said that
I am done with athletes; done with the thought of the professional athletes’
ego and all the drama attached. There
are issues if people recognize him…and even more issues if they don’t! When we reconnected, he invited me to come
and see him for a time just before training. Although the answer I gave him was
‘yes’ the thought in the back of my mind was ‘Absolutely NOT’, and I couldn’t
help but wonder if I had allowed society to make the decision for me.
Would I have been more enthusiastic about reconnecting
with him if he were not in such a “press-heavy” profession? And I’m a writer, right? So free publicity is good for me…it’ll help me
push my new book, right? Wrong! In any relationship, egos should be put aside,
but we wear our image like a scarf.
Truth: if she’s not rich and well-known, there’s a certain way that
women are looked at when they date professional athletes and that’s not a look I’m
comfortable wearing.
I am a writer and it’s no secret that not a great deal
of writers make millions of dollars, but what most people don’t realize is that
not many athletes make millions of dollars!
Just as not every writer is a Stephen King or John Grisham, not every
athlete is a Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods, hell, not every athlete is a Derek
Fisher. They’re more like Matt Barnes before Basketball
Wives! The truth is that most
professional athletes don’t even get to play and those who do aren’t guaranteed
that ideal highmark professional athlete salary. Some of them make the same base salaries as
most everyday professionals; but people won’t see it that way, they’ll see it
as an opportunity for the spotlight because although these athletes may not make
millions, they play with people who do, so most often the women who date them
will be looked upon as an opportunist.
Sadly, I let the ideas of those
small minded individuals affect me and in efforts to not lose myself or my
identity I may have ruined a second chance at something great. I have never disrespected this man or stepped
out of line in any effect but it is very likely that I did just what my friend
suggested I might do in a situation like this one – I said too much too
soon. Even without words, speech can
be deciphered.
In speaking about having attempted to find each other
over the years I may have made myself appear too interested or he may have
inadvertently picked up on my issues with him spending so much time talking
about his career when he never even asked me what I do for a living. A detail that is minor and obviously to him
of no significance because we both made the cardinal, yet common mistake where
relationships are concerned, we never
stop to listen to what the other person is saying.
He spoke so much about his job because
he wanted to see how I could see myself fitting into his lifestyle. Yet in the underpinnings of my tone he may
have picked up on some underlying resentments that gave him the impression that
I didn’t approve of his lifestyle. This is
not necessarily true but it is far
easier than people realize to give off the wrong impression.
With impressions of all forms, be it the first
impression or any impression that you may gain from an exchange with the
opposite sex, understand how easily your intentions can be misconstrued and use
that understanding to your advantage. Prevent integrity from being compromised
by offering the minimum amount of information possible while maintaining
honesty and peeking interest – too little may make the person think that you’re
not interested in them and too much will make them lose interest in you.
Ladies, the cardinal rule when it
comes to dating and potential relationships is to let your partner know that
you’re available without being overly available. Listen to him while giving him the feedback
he needs without appearing too eager or trying to dominate interaction. Women who talk too much appear easy and men still love the chase. Women who try to dominate dating interactions
are reminiscent of men and no heterosexual male wants to date another man. Bottom line - keep your mouth shut, ears
open, and legs crossed. Tug on the line
a little bit and when he thinks you’re ready…he’ll reel you in.
Follow Me as I Follow God
@RevealingRuth
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